Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
