O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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