I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We don't watch enough power rangers
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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