This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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