What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
