I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
