do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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