Too much gin, very little bucket
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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