then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
