thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
