his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
