I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
