I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
