my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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