You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
