i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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