My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize