it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize