Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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