Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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