That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
