the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
