Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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