i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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