I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
