WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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