I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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