Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're a disaster
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