Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
