girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
