oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
