True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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