just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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