ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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