My sheets look like a crime scene.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
