Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
