I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
