just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
