So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize