some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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