she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
