and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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