I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
