They should really pass out barf bags in church
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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