I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
