Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
