Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love you. Go after that dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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