its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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