just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
