He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
