went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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