What a fucking waste of an outfit
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
