fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
