You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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