Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
