i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This toilet bowl is my home.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
