either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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