would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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