This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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