Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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