yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's like heaven, but drunker
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
