My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
