I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
