Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
either way he was missing a nipple.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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