this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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