piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there was a trapeze. enough said
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
