I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
