Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
