Your tits are I can't wait for
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
