you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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