She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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